Marissa arrived the next afternoon.<\/p>\n
She did not call first.<\/p>\n
I saw her car pull into the driveway shortly after three.<\/p>\n
For a few seconds she remained behind the wheel.<\/p>\n
Then she got out.<\/p>\n
No makeup.<\/p>\n
Hair tied back.<\/p>\n
Dark coat buttoned unevenly.<\/p>\n
She looked nothing like the carefully arranged woman from holiday photographs.<\/p>\n
I opened the door before she rang.<\/p>\n
"Is Emma all right?" I asked.<\/p>\n
Her expression hardened.<\/p>\n
"That's what you ask me?"<\/p>\n
"Yes."<\/p>\n
"She's at school."<\/p>\n
"Good."<\/p>\n
Marissa walked past me without waiting to be invited.<\/p>\n
I almost stopped her.<\/p>\n
Instead I closed the door.<\/p>\n
She went directly to the kitchen.<\/p>\n
Of course she did.<\/p>\n
All difficult conversations in that family seemed destined for the same table.<\/p>\n
She stayed standing.<\/p>\n
"You gave Preston a list."<\/p>\n
"I gave him records."<\/p>\n
"You've been investigating us."<\/p>\n
"I've been reviewing my accounts."<\/p>\n
"With a lawyer."<\/p>\n
"Yes."<\/p>\n
Her mouth tightened.<\/p>\n
"Do you realize what you're doing to him?"<\/p>\n
I pulled out a chair.<\/p>\n
"Sit down."<\/p>\n
"I don't want coffee."<\/p>\n
"I didn't offer."<\/p>\n
She glared at me.<\/p>\n
For a strange second, I remembered the first time Preston brought her to our house.<\/p>\n
She had been twenty-four.<\/p>\n
Nervous.<\/p>\n
Polite.<\/p>\n
Eleanor adored her dress and told her so three times.<\/p>\n
Marissa had offered to help wash dishes.<\/p>\n
People rarely begin as enemies.<\/p>\n
Sometimes they don't become enemies at all.<\/p>\n
Sometimes circumstances simply strip away courtesy.<\/p>\n
She sat.<\/p>\n
I took the chair opposite.<\/p>\n
"What exactly do you think I'm doing to Preston?"<\/p>\n
"You're threatening him with legal action."<\/p>\n
"I haven't threatened him."<\/p>\n
"Your attorney requested bank records."<\/p>\n
"From my accounts."<\/p>\n
"You know what I mean."<\/p>\n
"I do."<\/p>\n
"He's terrified."<\/p>\n
"He should have thought about that before using money without permission."<\/p>\n
She stared at me.<\/p>\n
"Do you want him to lose his business?"<\/p>\n
"No."<\/p>\n
"Because that's where this is heading."<\/p>\n
"That business has been heading somewhere for years without my help."<\/p>\n
Her eyes narrowed.<\/p>\n
"You think this is simple."<\/p>\n
"No."<\/p>\n
"You think Preston is some kind of thief."<\/p>\n
"I think he took money he wasn't authorized to take."<\/p>\n
"That's a convenient way to say it."<\/p>\n
"It's also accurate."<\/p>\n
She pushed back from the table.<\/p>\n
"You've always done this."<\/p>\n
"Done what?"<\/p>\n
"Acted like you're above everyone because you're careful."<\/p>\n
I almost smiled.<\/p>\n
"Careful."<\/p>\n
"You worked the same job forever. You bought the same house. You saved every dollar. You judge anyone who wants more."<\/p>\n
That was new.<\/p>\n
"Is that how you see me?"<\/p>\n
"It's how Preston grew up."<\/p>\n
I folded my hands.<\/p>\n
"Preston grew up with food on the table, vacations every summer, college partly paid, help buying his first house, and parents who showed up whenever he called."<\/p>\n
Marissa looked away.<\/p>\n
"We're not talking about childhood."<\/p>\n
"You brought it up."<\/p>\n
"I'm talking about how you use money."<\/p>\n
"I thought we were talking about how Preston used mine."<\/p>\n
She stood again.<\/p>\n
This time I didn't ask her to sit.<\/p>\n
"Do you know what it was like after Eleanor got sick?"<\/p>\n
"Yes."<\/p>\n
"No. You don't."<\/p>\n
I felt something tighten in my chest.<\/p>\n
"Be careful."<\/p>\n
Marissa ignored the warning.<\/p>\n
"Everything became about her treatment. Then she died, and everything became about your grief. Preston was trying to hold his company together while taking care of you."<\/p>\n
I stared at her.<\/p>\n
"Taking care of me?"<\/p>\n
"Checking on you. Handling things. Making sure bills got paid."<\/p>\n
"He was also transferring money to himself."<\/p>\n
"He was trying to survive."<\/p>\n
"So was I."<\/p>\n
That stopped her.<\/p>\n
For a moment we stood facing each other across the table.<\/p>\n
"You think losing Eleanor only happened to you?" she asked.<\/p>\n
"No."<\/p>\n
"Preston lost his mother."<\/p>\n
"I know."<\/p>\n
"He fell apart."<\/p>\n
"I know."<\/p>\n
"You didn't notice."<\/p>\n
That landed.<\/p>\n
I opened my mouth.<\/p>\n
Then closed it.<\/p>\n
Because there was truth inside the accusation.<\/p>\n
Not all of it.<\/p>\n
Enough.<\/p>\n
After Eleanor died, people asked about me constantly.<\/p>\n
How is Ray doing?<\/p>\n
Is Ray eating?<\/p>\n
Is Ray sleeping?<\/p>\n
Has Ray gone back to work at the garage?<\/p>\n
Preston had been thirty-three.<\/p>\n
A husband.<\/p>\n
A father.<\/p>\n
A business owner.<\/p>\n
Adults were expected to grieve competently.<\/p>\n
Maybe I had assumed he did.<\/p>\n
Marissa saw the effect on my face.<\/p>\n
Her voice softened slightly.<\/p>\n
"He didn't sleep for months."<\/p>\n
"I didn't know."<\/p>\n
"No."<\/p>\n
"Did you?"<\/p>\n
"Of course."<\/p>\n
"Did he get help?"<\/p>\n
She looked away.<\/p>\n
"No."<\/p>\n
"Why not?"<\/p>\n
"He wouldn't."<\/p>\n
That sounded like Preston.<\/p>\n
"And the business?"<\/p>\n
"It started going bad before she died."<\/p>\n
"I know."<\/p>\n
"She knew."<\/p>\n
"I know that too."<\/p>\n
"Then you know he wasn't stealing from you because he wanted a sports car."<\/p>\n
"I never said he was."<\/p>\n
"You act like it."<\/p>\n
"No. I act like motive doesn't change ownership."<\/p>\n
She laughed bitterly.<\/p>\n
"You always have an answer."<\/p>\n
"Not lately."<\/p>\n
That surprised her.<\/p>\n
I sat again.<\/p>\n
After a moment, she did too.<\/p>\n
"Tell me why you're here."<\/p>\n
Her eyes lowered.<\/p>\n
"Because I want this stopped."<\/p>\n
"What stopped?"<\/p>\n
"The lawyers. The account review. Whatever Julian is doing."<\/p>\n
"Why?"<\/p>\n
"Because Preston can't handle more pressure."<\/p>\n
"That's not enough."<\/p>\n
"It's enough for me."<\/p>\n
"Then you and I have different standards."<\/p>\n
Her jaw tightened again.<\/p>\n
"He made mistakes."<\/p>\n
"Yes."<\/p>\n
"We both did."<\/p>\n
"Which ones did you make?"<\/p>\n
The question seemed to catch her off guard.<\/p>\n
"What?"<\/p>\n
"You said we both made mistakes. Which were yours?"<\/p>\n
Marissa stared at the table.<\/p>\n
For several seconds, I expected anger.<\/p>\n
Instead she said, "Telluride."<\/p>\n
"Booking it?"<\/p>\n
"Everything."<\/p>\n
"The lodge?"<\/p>\n
"Yes."<\/p>\n
"The motel?"<\/p>\n
She closed her eyes.<\/p>\n
"Yes."<\/p>\n
"Why?"<\/p>\n
"Because my parents were coming."<\/p>\n
I waited.<\/p>\n
She rubbed her forehead.<\/p>\n
"My mother criticizes everything."<\/p>\n
That explanation was so ordinary I almost didn't understand it.<\/p>\n
"Everything?"<\/p>\n
"House. Clothes. Parenting. Money. Preston's business. My weight. Emma's grades. Everything."<\/p>\n
"And that made putting me in a motel reasonable?"<\/p>\n
"No."<\/p>\n
"Then explain the connection."<\/p>\n
"I wanted Christmas to look good."<\/p>\n
There it was.<\/p>\n
Not family.<\/p>\n
Not togetherness.<\/p>\n
Appearance.<\/p>\n
"My parents think we're doing well."<\/p>\n
"But you're not."<\/p>\n
"No."<\/p>\n
"They don't know about the debt."<\/p>\n
"No."<\/p>\n
"The business?"<\/p>\n
"They think it's growing."<\/p>\n
"And the lodge?"<\/p>\n
She looked miserable.<\/p>\n
"I wanted them to see that we were fine."<\/p>\n
"Using my money."<\/p>\n
"Yes."<\/p>\n
"And I didn't fit the picture."<\/p>\n
Her eyes filled, but she did not cry.<\/p>\n
"No."<\/p>\n
At least she said it.<\/p>\n
I felt no satisfaction.<\/p>\n
"What about my house?"<\/p>\n
She looked away again.<\/p>\n
"That was different."<\/p>\n
"How?"<\/p>\n
"We were scared."<\/p>\n
"You needed money."<\/p>\n
"Yes."<\/p>\n
"Whose idea was selling it?"<\/p>\n
"Mine."<\/p>\n
"Preston said you raised it first."<\/p>\n
"He didn't lie."<\/p>\n
"Why my house?"<\/p>\n
"Because there's equity."<\/p>\n
"That isn't an answer."<\/p>\n
"It's the honest answer."<\/p>\n
I studied her.<\/p>\n
"Did you ever ask yourself what I wanted?"<\/p>\n
"Yes."<\/p>\n
"What did you decide?"<\/p>\n
"That you wouldn't want to move."<\/p>\n
"Correct."<\/p>\n
"But we thought once you understood\u2014"<\/p>\n
"Stop there."<\/p>\n
She closed her mouth.<\/p>\n
"There is no 'we thought you'd understand' version of deciding someone else's property should solve your problem."<\/p>\n
She looked down.<\/p>\n
"We were desperate."<\/p>\n
"Then say desperate."<\/p>\n
"We were desperate."<\/p>\n
The words seemed to reduce her.<\/p>\n
Not physically.<\/p>\n
Something about posture.<\/p>\n
For the first time, Marissa looked less like an opponent and more like a woman standing inside the wreckage of choices she'd helped make.<\/p>\n
"How bad is the debt really?" I asked.<\/p>\n
Her eyes met mine.<\/p>\n
"Did Preston tell you?"<\/p>\n
"Some."<\/p>\n
"It's worse."<\/p>\n
My stomach tightened.<\/p>\n
"How much worse?"<\/p>\n
She hesitated.<\/p>\n
Then gave me another number.<\/p>\n
There was a second business loan.<\/p>\n
Personally guaranteed.<\/p>\n
Forty-eight thousand dollars.<\/p>\n
Preston had not mentioned it.<\/p>\n
"Who knows?"<\/p>\n
"Me."<\/p>\n
"Anyone else?"<\/p>\n
"The lender."<\/p>\n
"Is the company in default?"<\/p>\n
"Almost."<\/p>\n
"Almost means?"<\/p>\n
"They've missed two payments."<\/p>\n
I leaned back.<\/p>\n
"And this lender is the one calling the house?"<\/p>\n
"No."<\/p>\n
I stared at her.<\/p>\n
"Then who is calling?"<\/p>\n
She swallowed.<\/p>\n
"A private lender."<\/p>\n
"For what?"<\/p>\n
She said nothing.<\/p>\n
"Marissa."<\/p>\n
Her eyes dropped.<\/p>\n
"The money that got Eleanor's jewelry back."<\/p>\n
The room seemed to tilt slightly.<\/p>\n
"Preston borrowed money to recover collateral from another loan."<\/p>\n
"Yes."<\/p>\n
"From whom?"<\/p>\n
"I don't know exactly."<\/p>\n
"How do you not know?"<\/p>\n
"Because I told him not to do it."<\/p>\n
I stood.<\/p>\n
"What did he borrow?"<\/p>\n
"Enough to settle the loan."<\/p>\n
"Terms?"<\/p>\n
"I don't know."<\/p>\n
"Interest?"<\/p>\n
"I don't know."<\/p>\n
"Security?"<\/p>\n
"I don't know."<\/p>\n
"Then why are you here trying to stop the account review instead of asking your husband those questions?"<\/p>\n
Her face hardened.<\/p>\n
"Because if you push him harder, he'll keep doing stupid things."<\/p>\n
The sentence echoed.<\/p>\n
I thought of Emma calling the night before.<\/p>\n
If Mom and Dad split up, can I stay with you?<\/p>\n
"Where is Preston?"<\/p>\n
"I don't know."<\/p>\n
"You don't know?"<\/p>\n
"He didn't come home."<\/p>\n
"Have you called him?"<\/p>\n
"Twenty times."<\/p>\n
"His office?"<\/p>\n
"He's not there."<\/p>\n
"Friends?"<\/p>\n
"He won't answer anyone."<\/p>\n
I picked up my phone.<\/p>\n
"What are you doing?"<\/p>\n
"Calling him."<\/p>\n
"He won't answer."<\/p>\n
I dialed anyway.<\/p>\n
Straight to voicemail.<\/p>\n
I tried again.<\/p>\n
Same result.<\/p>\n
A third time.<\/p>\n
Nothing.<\/p>\n
I looked at Marissa.<\/p>\n
"When did you last see him?"<\/p>\n
"Yesterday evening."<\/p>\n
"What happened?"<\/p>\n
"We fought."<\/p>\n
"About?"<\/p>\n
"The papers. The debt. You. Everything."<\/p>\n
"What did he say before he left?"<\/p>\n
Her expression changed.<\/p>\n
That frightened me more than anything she'd said so far.<\/p>\n
"What?"<\/p>\n
"Marissa."<\/p>\n
"He said he was tired of being the person everyone was disappointed in."<\/p>\n
My hand tightened around the phone.<\/p>\n
"Anything else?"<\/p>\n
"He said maybe we'd all be better off if he disappeared."<\/p>\n
The room went cold.<\/p>\n
"Why didn't you lead with that?"<\/p>\n
"I thought he was being dramatic."<\/p>\n
"Did Emma hear him?"<\/p>\n
"I don't know."<\/p>\n
I was already reaching for my coat.<\/p>\n
"Where does he go when he's upset?"<\/p>\n
"I don't know."<\/p>\n
"Think."<\/p>\n
"The office. Sometimes the lake."<\/p>\n
"What lake?"<\/p>\n
"There's a reservoir outside town."<\/p>\n
I stopped.<\/p>\n
"Does he have a gun?"<\/p>\n
"No."<\/p>\n
"Are you sure?"<\/p>\n
"Yes."<\/p>\n
"Pills?"<\/p>\n
"I don't know."<\/p>\n
That answer was enough.<\/p>\n
I called Dennis first.<\/p>\n
Then Julian.<\/p>\n
Then the police department in Preston's town.<\/p>\n
Marissa stood in my kitchen watching me.<\/p>\n
Whatever fight we'd been having disappeared.<\/p>\n
Within twenty minutes, information was moving.<\/p>\n
Vehicle description.<\/p>\n
License plate.<\/p>\n
Phone number.<\/p>\n
Possible locations.<\/p>\n
I kept calling Preston between other calls.<\/p>\n
Voicemail.<\/p>\n
Voicemail.<\/p>\n
Voicemail.<\/p>\n
Finally, on the ninth attempt, someone answered.<\/p>\n
No voice.<\/p>\n
Just sound.<\/p>\n
Wind.<\/p>\n
"Preston?"<\/p>\n
Nothing.<\/p>\n
"Preston, it's Dad."<\/p>\n
A breath.<\/p>\n
Then his voice.<\/p>\n
Thin.<\/p>\n
Tired.<\/p>\n
"Why are you calling?"<\/p>\n
Every muscle in my body tightened.<\/p>\n
"Because I'm your father."<\/p>\n
Silence.<\/p>\n
"Where are you?"<\/p>\n
"It doesn't matter."<\/p>\n
"It matters to me."<\/p>\n
Another silence.<\/p>\n
I could hear water.<\/p>\n
Or wind across ice.<\/p>\n
"Are you at the reservoir?"<\/p>\n
He said nothing.<\/p>\n
That was answer enough.<\/p>\n
I kept my voice steady.<\/p>\n
"Stay on the phone."<\/p>\n
"Dad\u2014"<\/p>\n
"No. You listen to me. Whatever money you owe can be handled. Whatever happens with the business can be handled. Whatever happens with your marriage can be handled."<\/p>\n
He made a sound that might have been a laugh.<\/p>\n
"You don't know that."<\/p>\n
"I know none of those things are worth dying over."<\/p>\n
Marissa covered her mouth.<\/p>\n
I turned away from her.<\/p>\n
"Preston, tell me where you're parked."<\/p>\n
He didn't answer.<\/p>\n
"I am not asking as your creditor."<\/p>\n
The word hurt to say.<\/p>\n
"I'm asking as your father."<\/p>\n
For several seconds, only wind came through the phone.<\/p>\n
Then he gave me the location.<\/p>\n
I repeated it to the dispatcher on the second line.<\/p>\n
"Good," I told him. "Stay where you are."<\/p>\n
"I'm tired."<\/p>\n
"I know."<\/p>\n
"I ruined everything."<\/p>\n
"No. You damaged things."<\/p>\n
"What's the difference?"<\/p>\n
"Damage can be repaired."<\/p>\n
Not erased.<\/p>\n
Not ignored.<\/p>\n
Repaired.<\/p>\n
I heard him breathing.<\/p>\n
"Stay with me."<\/p>\n
This time he did.<\/p>\n
Marissa arrived the next afternoon. She did not call first. I saw her car pull into the driveway shortly after three. For a few seconds she remained behind the wheel. … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":15492,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15499","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-feel-one-story"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/feelonestory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15499","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/feelonestory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/feelonestory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/feelonestory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/feelonestory.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=15499"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/feelonestory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15499\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":15545,"href":"https:\/\/feelonestory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15499\/revisions\/15545"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/feelonestory.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/15492"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/feelonestory.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=15499"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/feelonestory.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=15499"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/feelonestory.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=15499"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}